I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh god it's open bar.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
