I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I love you.
Bad choice
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
