I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
