you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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