I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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