There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
