she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
