But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
