Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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