I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
whose parrot is this?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
