A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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