Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
