My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
