Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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