I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
