I heard we made out
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
