Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize