i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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