i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
