I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be naked everywhere
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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