Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
