i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
