he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
