You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
