Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
