i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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