Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Drunk is not a location!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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