Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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