I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
