You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
