she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
