I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
