dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
