Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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