So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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