I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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