I look better un-naked...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
