it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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