I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
