i permit you to call me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
