tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
