Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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