Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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