I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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