You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
