just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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