I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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