I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
