Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
