sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
