About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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