And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
