A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
