I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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