a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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