i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I showed him my bush... on skype.
there was a trapeze. enough said
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
