Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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