i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
