i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
