One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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