So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
