You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
