If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
