In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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