My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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