mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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