I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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