Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
