just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
