so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
