she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
