he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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