dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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