Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
