Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
