you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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